DISCLAIMER: (Borrowed in part from Jay, with her permission) The Gundam Universe of Mobile Suit Gundam Wing is © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, ANB, and Bandai America, Inc. Characters, places, timeline and other elements of the Gundam Wing series are the property of said organizations, and I do not profess to own them. The original material herein is © the author and not considered public domain. Please don't sue or plagiarize. I'm in a perpetually non-prosperous state and all spare change usually goes into coffee or bags of oats.
PAIRINGS: implied 1x2x1
WARNINGS: Angst, yaoi, songfic.
LYRIC CREDIT: "Mercy," by Depeche Mode, off the album "Songs of Faith and Devotion"
SUMMARY: Duo laments about Heero's coolness toward their relationship.
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Mercy
by Shira
You know what I need
When my heart bleeds
I watch you. Endlessly. The rise and fall of your chest as you breathe. The flutter of your eyes under closed lids. The slow pulsing of blood coursing through a vein on your neck. I watch you, aching, wanting to touch and feel. Daring not to.
I suffer from greed
A longing to feed
You call me selfish. Yet you are the one who sleeps. And I am awake, watching you. Needing you. That need never being met. It isn't fair. I want you now. I want you always. I can't have you. And I want you more. Why can't you see how I need you? Yet I am the selfish one, for wanting what I cannot have.
On the mercy in you
I can't conceal
The way that I feel
The days pass in and out. We tend to our missions, our work. You chastise me because I am lost, misguided, a danger to myself and other when we fight. My mind is clouded with thoughts of you on every take-off and every landing and all the time in between. I can't hide what the pain does to me any longer. The pain that is soothed by your word, your touch, your being.
The pleasure I feel
When I have to deal>
You finally open to me. After so much pain and hurt. All unnoticed. You whisk in and make everything better,…for now. I am in heaven. Or am I? We are in heaven. Or are you just playing games with me? Together again? Hardly. Your mercy on me makes my body shudder in false delight.
With the mercy in you
I would do it all again
Lose my way and fall again
Just so I could call again
On the mercy in you
Over and over. Time repeats itself. Over and over. The hurt. The sadness. Your refusal to acknowledge the damage being done. You turn away from me. But I don't leave I don't stop you. I let it happen again. And again. The need must be filled. I pray that it eventually will. I pray not to become your casualty of war.
When here in my mind
I feel inclined
To wrongly treat you unkind
I have faith I will find
The pain. It turns to anger. Harsh words between us. I scream. You scream. I hurt you because you hurt me. I like it.. but I cry tears. I don't like it. You turn away. You ignore my call for mercy. You don't let yourself know why. Your perfect soldier denies.
The mercy in you
I would lose my way again
Be led hopelessly astray again
Just so I could pray again
For the mercy in you
You leave. A mission. "Don't wait", you say. Your callousness is cold and mean. I want to leave here. I want to stay away from everything that is you. To end the hurt. I can't. I wait for your return. I pray that you miss me. I pray that you return with mercy in your heart.
When here in my mind
I have been blind
I tell myself you love me. But you never say it yourself. Only in the throes of what must now be called lust do those words ever befall my ears. But never again. I love you. I scream it. You turn away. The cold soldier in you prevails.
Emotionally behind
I have faith I will find
I can't feel any more. My heart is dead. Turned to stone. I am cold now. The pain is gone. Overworked. It has taken its toll on me and I turn from you now. I go on my mission and tell you 'Don't wait'. I don't care anymore. I don't feel anymore. You have had the ultimate mercy on me… to make me not feel anymore. I don't want you anymore.
The mercy in you
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